Fantastic Friday: Walkin' into a monster's mouth with a nuke strapped to your back

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Issue number four is one of the most famous comics of all time, bringing back the Sub-Mariner, a classic villain from the 1940s, and making him a major player in the Marvel universe.

The story begins in “a secret skyscraper hideout in the caverns of New York.” Isn’t "caverns of New York" some kind of oxymoron? Ben, Sue and Reed fret over where Johnny might have gone after quitting the team at the end of the last issue. Using the individual sections of the Fantasticar, they search the city for Johnny. This is this issue’s excuse for the “the characters show off their powers for several pages at the beginning of the story” thing. Reed questions a motorcyclist, checks out a baseball game, and peeks into a passing train. Doesn’t he have high-tech scanning equipment he could be using? Sue stops searching and takes a break, enjoying a soda. Not much urgency here. Ben smartly goes to a garage where Johnny likes to hang out. He and Johnny have a brief fight, but Johnny escapes after Ben has another “turns human for a few seconds only to turn right back” moment.

Johnny takes up residence in a crappy men’s shelter in the Bowery, where he chuckles over an old 1940s comic book about the Sub-Mariner, and Johnny remarks that there really was a Sub-Mariner, before his time. One of the bums there has a resemblance to the character, and then shows superhuman strength after a brawl breaks out. Johnny carefully uses his flame to burn off the man’s beard and, sure enough, it’s the Sub-Mariner. Amazing coincidence, right? Perhaps not, as Stan Lee writes in this issue, “Thus does destiny toy with the lives of humans.”

Johnny makes the questionable decision of returning the Sub-Mariner to the ocean. Being undersea again causes Subby’s memory to come back. We learn that his real name is Namor. He swims down to Atlantis, only to find it destroyed by the surface world’s nuclear testing and its people long since fled. Namor returns to Johnny and announces his intent to unleash revenge on the human race. Johnny signals his teammates, and, just like that, they’re a team again.

Namor returns to the ocean, recovers a magic horn, and uses to summon Giganto, a massive whale-like monster. We get a couple of pages of Godzilla-style action as Giganto rises from the ocean and trashes part of the city. Ben comes up with a plan. Get this: In the space of two panels, Ben hurries over the nearest military depot, and returns with a nuclear bomb strapped to his back. A soldier is seen helping Ben with the huge bomb, so Ben didn’t steal it. What, does the army just hand out nukes to any superhero who knocks on its door? No matter how it’s possible, Ben now has a nuke. When Giganto stops for a rest, Ben walks right into its mouth, so small from the monster’s point of view that the monster doesn’t notice him. The Thing has a Baron Munchausen moment where he finds a bunch of shipwrecks in Giganto’s belly, as well a whole other sea monster running around in there. Ben fights it, which has got to be a strange experience – fighting a sea monster inside another sea monster. The nuke goes off, brutally killing Giganto as Ben barely escapes. Insert comments about ridiculous nuclear physics here.

Sue swipes the horn from Namor, but he catches her. He immediately gets the hots for Sue, calling her the loveliest human he’s ever seen. She tries to appeal to his better nature, but Namor, in his arrogance, refuses and says he will summon so many sea monsters that the surface world will fall back into a second stone age. Johnny has heard enough, so he flies upward so hard and fast that he creates a “man-made tornado” which sweeps both Namor and the dead monster back into the ocean. Why didn’t he just do that to start with? Namor swears vengeance, and Reed swears that the FF will be ready for him when he returns. We’ll see how ready in a mere two issues.

From here on, Namor becomes one of the biggest names in the Marvel universe, battling most of the classic marvel heroes. He’s been both a bad guy and a good guy, joining the Defenders, and, most recently, the X-Men. He’s been an exile from Atlantis, a leader of Atlantis, and even spent some time a corporate CEO. Despite his importance, Namor has never been a favorite character of mine, as I always felt the combo of swim trunks, pointy ears, and those little wings on his ankles made him look more goofy than intimidating, but there’s no denying his place in comics history. We’re going to be seeing a lot of Namor during this re-read, so better get used to him.

Unstable Molecule: Reed does hardly anything in this issue, aside from pestering motorcyclists and commuters while searching for Johnny.

Fade Out: Sue steals the magic trumpet horn from Namor, but it’s only after she turns visible that she gets him talking.

Clobberin’ Time: Ben, walking into a giant monster’s mouth with a nuclear bomb strapped to his back? Hardcore.

Flame On: Johnny makes the questionable choice of returning Namor to the ocean, considering that doing so endangers mankind, but at the end he saves the day by tossing Namor back into the ocean a second time. His reunion with the team is something of a non-event, considering how dramatic the breakup was at the end of the last issue.

Trivia Time: Namor really does have a long pre-history at Marvel going back to the ‘40s, where he was as an enemy to the 1940s Human Torch, an android. This makes it fitting that so much of the issue is based on interaction between Namor and the FF’s Torch.

Fantastic or Frightful: This is the issue where things really start to gel. There are plot holes, sure, but it has that high adventure, anything goes feeling of the best FF tales. Kirby’s artwork really shines, especially with all the undersea monster action. It gets even better next issue.

Next week: Doom!

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Fantastic Friday: It's a miracle!

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Issue #3 introduces a lot of what the comic is famous for, along with one of its more obscure villains.

The tale begins with the FF at a magic show. Because why not? The magician calls himself the Miracle Man, and shows his superhuman strength to be far greater than the Thing’s. Reed ruminates on how glad he is that the Miracle Man is not a criminal. Spoke to soon, because the next scene has Miracle Man saying it’s time to throw off his “mask of respectability” and make the world fear him. That’s his motivation, apparently, to demonstrate how powerful he is and make everyone be afraid.
From there, we get the debut of the flying Fantasticar, a great Jack Kirby invention that gives each member of the team his or her own section of the vehicle. We also get the first cutaway of the FF’s headquarters, showing, among other things, a projection room, a conference room, and a photo analysis room. Also at headquarters, Sue debuts the FF’s uniforms, with her saying, “we’re in this business of crime fighting for real!” Before this point, the characters just wore normal clothes. OK, so the story goes that in between the last issue and this one, the folks at DC had introduced the Justice League to great success, and the folks at Marvel felt the pressure to take the FF and make them more traditional superhero-y. I have no idea if that’s true, but the story is out there. (See also: Similarities between the Fantastic Four and DC's Challengers of the Unknown.)

Back to the story, there’s a lot of hype in town over a new movie, THE MONSTER FROM MARS, and a life-size fake monster constructed outside the theater. The Miracle Man shows up and makes the monster come to life, and leads it on a rampage across the city. The monster destroys cars, steals diamonds, and gets caught up in Reed’s body when Reed stretches across to buildings to stop it. The monster then attacks the “local ordinance depot” to steal an atomic tank, only to be stopped by the Human Torch, who burns the monster to the ground, revealing it was made of wood and plaster the whole time. The Miracle Man douses Johnny’s flame with chemical foam (where’d he get that?), and stops Ben by making the ground open up beneath him. Sue, while invisible, sneaks aboard the stolen tank as Miracle Man makes his escape.

Back at headquarters, Johnny and Ben have a pretty nasty argument, ending with Ben wanting to hit Johnny. This isn’t the amusing family bickering that the characters are known for, but more like a “some things can’t be unsaid” type of argument. Elsewhere, At Miracle Man’s hideout, a junkyard, Miracle Man discovers Sue, hypnotizes her so she’s under his command, and has her summon the rest of the team as a trap. The big confrontation begins with a weird scene in which he aims a giant key at our heroes, only to transform it magically into a machine gun. Reed dodges the bullets as a bouncing ball, and the bullets just bounce off of Ben. The Miracle Man takes off in the atomic tank, and Reed, Johnny and Ben follow in an antique roadster which we’re told is stored at the junkyard “between exhibitions.” Your guess is as good as mine. The chase has a funny bit in which Reed stretches himself around one of the wheels as its tire, before Johnny blinds the Miracle Man with a burst bright light from his fire.

As the Miracle Man recovers his sight, Reed deduces the truth. Miracle Man has no supernatural powers, but instead accomplished all this through hypnotism. Wait, what? He hypnotized the entire city, including police and soldiers, into merely thinking they were seeing all this? What did Johnny burn down? What about that tank? Or the stolen jewels? Maybe in the early ‘60s, hypnotism was far-out science, but still. The big deal about the ending isn’t the Miracle Man’s reveal. It’s the comic’s first cliffhanger. As Ben continues to berate Johnny, Johnny up and announces that he’s quitting the team. He flies off, and the others wonder what will become of their little family dynamic.

Unstable molecule: Reed turns himself into a bouncing ball to dodge bullets (would that work?) and the bit where stands in for a tire in the middle of a chase (that’s gotta hurt).

Fade out: Sue does the stealth thing by sneaking into the Miracle Man’s hideout. Too bad she gets caught right afterward.

Clobberin’ Time: Ben pretty much gets his butt handed to him this issue, humiliated and then defeated by the Miracle Man.

Flame on: Johnny saves the day twice in this one, first by destroying the monster and then by blinding the bad guy. Then, after all that, Ben still gives him grief. No wonder he left.

Trivia time: The Miracle Man won’t be seen again until issue #139. He went on to develop actual supernatural powers, only to be killed by the Scourge (“Justice is served!”) and later brought back from the dead in a scheme to take out the Punisher, after which he went back to wallowing in obscurity. This is not the same Miracle Man from the Marvelman/Miracleman legal troubles that have been pockmarking the comic industry for the last couple of years.

Fantastic of Frightful: Nothing about the Miracle Man makes sense, and it’s no wonder he’s not considered a “classic” villain. The meat of the story, though, is the tension between Johnny and Ben, which drives Johnny to quit the team. Going back to those Justice League comparisons, the League of this era were all buddies, so this conflict among the FF must have been something quite surprising for readers of the time. Plus, the group breaks up only three issues in. It’s enough so that you can’t wait to pick up the next issue.

Next week: Here’s Subby!

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Fantastic Friday: On aliens, cows, and hypnotism

Re-reading the Fantastic Four comics from the start. Issue #2 introduces the Skrulls.

Once again, the issue begins with several pages of the four characters running around the city, showing off their powers. Only this time, there’s a twist -- the Fantastic Four are committing crimes.
No, turns out it’s the Skrulls, green-skinned aliens who can make themselves look like anyone. They’re using sci-fi doohickeys to mimic the Fantastic Four’s powers, framing them for the Skrulls’ crimes. The Skrulls are doing this because they believe the FF are the only ones who can stop them.

The real FF, for some reason, is staying at a remote hunting lodge. They’re not hiding, because the army shows up at their doorstep to arrest them. The FF surrender and are locked up in special cells, we’re told, that are designed just for them. The army already had these ready to go, did they? Once behind bars, the four escape, trashing the prison in the process (so much for that “surrender” business). They reunite at one of Reed’s “secret apartments” (?) to plot their next move.

Johnny and Ben bicker like crazy, after which it’s decided that Johnny will go undercover, letting the Skrulls think he’s one of them in disguise. Amazingly, it works, and Johnny leads the rest of the four to the Skrulls’ hideout. There, they learn a Skrull armada is in space, ready to attack. Using the same ploy, the other three FFers pretend to be Skrulls as well, and they’re taken into space to meet with the Skrull leader. Reed shows the leader pictures of giant monsters and advanced technology, to scare him off and keep him from invading. Here’s where things get real silly: the pictures are drawings from Strange Tales and Journey Into Mystery – Marvel comics. Even better, the alien warlord actually falls for it! The armada leaves, in fear of the comic book drawings.

The FF head back to Earth, where they still have to deal with both the army and the four Skrulls who initially impersonated them. The Skrulls change into various monstrous forms, only to be defeated by the Fantastic Four. The very trusting army apologizes to Reed and just leaves the Skrulls there with him. Out of nowhere, the Skrulls announce that they don’t what to be Skrulls anymore, so Reed – get this – hypnotizes them into believing they’re cows, allowing them to spend the rest of their days on a peaceful farm. What the heck?

Unstable Molecule: This is more like the Reed I know, saving the day with his awesome smarts and not just his awesome powers. But where’d he get this hypnotism ability from? And scaring off the evil alien leader with comic book drawings? Yeesh.

Fade Out: Aside from freaking out soldiers and a few Skrulls by turning invisible, Sue doesn’t do much in this one.

Clobberin’ Time: Ben actually turns back to human for a few panels during a moment of anguish, something that will happen quite often in these early issues. He also smashes a spiked Skrull monster real good.

Flame on: Johnny gets a lot more to do, thankfully, putting himself on the line for the good of the team. We see some of the famous bickering between him and Ben get its start.

Trivia Time: The Skrulls might have been defeated by comic books and hypnotism, but they nonetheless went on to be major players in the Marvel universe. They had their wars against the Kree, Galactus ate their homeworld, they lost the ability to shapeshift for a while, and, most recently, they almost succeeded in invading the Earth. The cows from this issue even returned in a surprise twist in a later comic.

Fantastic or Frightful? What a silly story. Again, I’m left with the thought that Stan and Jack were making it up on the fly. Kirby’s art is great, though, as this issue gives him a chance to show off alien monsters and spaceships galore.

Next Friday: The Miracle Man!

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Fantastic Friday: How long will I keep this up?

I just can’t get those two Fantastic Four movies out of my system. The two Tim Story flicks just did not do those great characters justice. Trying to put just how and why into words, though, has been tricky, and because of that I’ve irked many fans of the movies.

So let’s go back -- all the way back and reread the comics from the start. Let’s all rediscover what makes the fantastic four so Fantastic.

I’ll break issues down as such:

Unstable Molecules: Mr. Fantastic’s most memorable moment in the issue, whether it is due to his stretching powers or his unending genius.

Fade Out: The Invisible Girl’s most memorable moment, either her invisibility powers, or her role as the heart of the group.

Clobberin’ Time: The Thing’s most memorable scene, which could be due to his awesome strength, or his contradictory nature as both misunderstood monster and wisecracking New Yorker.

Flame On: The Human Torch’s most memorable scene, either by use of his fire-based powers, or his fun-loving and sometimes short-tempered personality.

Trivia Time: Random comic facts gleaned from each issue.

Fantastic or Frightful: Final thoughts on each issue.

Time to go all the back to issue number one.

****

Here it is, the very first issue of Fantastic Four. It covers a lot of ground, as we get to know our heroes, learn their origin, and then join them on a monster-fightin’ encounter with the Mole Man.

The splash page is interesting for a couple of reasons. For one, the title “Fantastic Four” is more than just lettering, but actual words skywritten over the city by one of Reed’s devices. Also, we get headshots of our four heroes, introduced by their real names. We don’t get their superhero names until later.

From there, we get something that’s going to be familiar throughout a lot of these early issues – some excuse for the characters to show off their powers for a few pages before the plot starts. This time, our heroes see the words in the sky and respond, making their way from various spots around town to their headquarters. Sue is shopping, turns invisible, and messes with people as she does so. Ben, coincidentally, is also shopping, in disguise beneath a huge trenchcoat. People get a look at him, freak out thinking he’s a monster, and chase him through the city. It’s even worse for Johnny, who goes from working on a hot rod in a garage to being chased over the skies in the city by the air force (!) when all he’s trying to do is get to the meeting. He’s saved by Reed, conveniently using his powers.

Our four reunited, we get a flashback to the origin. Reed had designed and built a spaceship and is feeling the pressure to get into the stars soon. As Sue points out, “We’ve got to take the chance, unless we want the commies to beat us!” Ben doesn’t want to fly the ship, because he’s concerned about the cosmic rays, but he does a 180 after Sue calls him a coward. The four break into the base and sneak onto the ship (I was so looking forward to this scene in the movie, but no luck). As Ben feared, the cosmic rays kick in, cause the ship to crash and giving everyone their powers.

Here’s what’s interesting: Ben is actually right, and Reed is wrong. This leads to the ship crashing and Ben becoming a monster. Then, when Reed marvels at their new powers, it’s not him but Ben who says they should use their powers to help mankind. In this sense, some might argue that the Tim Story movie is accurate in having Reed always screw up and make mistakes. As we’ll see, though, Reed takes more of an active heroic role in what is to follow.

Back to the present, Reed exposits how energy plants around the globe are being destroyed. We even see one go down, courtesy of a giant green monster. Reed deduces that the source of the attacks is the mythical “Monster Island.” The four travel there on their private jet, where they’re immediately attacked by a three-headed monster. This is where Jack Kirby's art really shines in this issue, with the wild-looking creatures. Reed and Johnny are separated from Sue and Ben. Underground, Reed and Johnny meet the Mole Man, learning that the villain retired to Monster Island because he was too ugly to get a job or a girlfriend. We’ve all been there, bro. A funny scene has the Mole Man taking down Johnny in hand-to-hand combat, demonstrating his awesome moves. We don’t see this side of him very often in later encounters. Sue and Ben, meanwhile, roam the surface, fighting more monsters.

Things end abruptly, as the Mole Man tries to summon more monsters to attack our heroes, but Johnny stops them by using his flames to cause a rock slide (?). The four escape, wondering if the Mole Man survived. You can just tell Stan and Jack had reached the final two pages and had to scramble to come with an ending at the last minute.

Unstable molecules: Reed turns his arm into a lasso to stop a monster, and he forms himself into a parachute shape to lower Johnny to safety (wait… why isn’t Johnny just flying?)

Fade out: Sue turns invisible to confuse a monster as it attacks.

Clobberin’ Time: Ben has a short but great fight with a rock monster, ending with him tossing it into the ocean.

Flame on: Aside from somehow causing a rock slide on the last page, Johnny doesn’t do a whole lot, and mostly screws things up (Whatever happened to those air force pilots chasing him? Did they just give up?) Johnny’s more like the other three’s sidekick in this first issue.

Trivia Time: According to one of the cops pursuing Ben, this isn’t New York, but “Central City.” No, I don’t know where the Flash is during all this.

 

Fantastic or Frightful? Everyone loves to go on about how these silver age comics pack a ton of story into each issue. This one, though, bites off a little more than it can chew. The big deal about this issue is that it takes a long time introducing us to our heroes and their origin, which is good, but then it leaves us with a rushed, abrupt ending, with half the action described in captions. Now that the introductions are over, though, the real fun can begin.  

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No Kindle? No problem.

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CINE HIGH is here, now

Ooohh, yeah, it’s the big day.

CINE HIGH is now available on the Kindle. It’s 99 cents. That’s one-ninth the cost of a BATTLESHIP ticket.

Plot synopsis:

Jack“Joke” McDee cares more about making his classmates laugh than his schoolwork, and his grades show it. On the last week of eighth grade, after Joke does his“clumsy juggler” act on the hood of the principal’s car, he’s nearly run over by a strange girl with a pink motorcycle. She tells him the truth, that he’s not human. He’s the living embodiment of the genre of comedy.

The girl takes Joke for a ride, transporting him to a strange high school, Cine High, where tough kids Action and Scifi have abducted the teachers and barricaded all the doors. Action and Scifi plan to take over all of entertainment once they graduate, and they’re holding the school hostage until all the other students swear loyalty to them.

Only one other student has the numbers to fight back, Horror. To convince Horror to join his side, Joke journeys from one end of the school to the other throughout the day. The whole time, he wonders, is comedy really the most powerful genre?

CINE HIGH has been an experiment from the beginning. First it was a Twitter novel, and now as an ebook. It’s light, it’s funny, it’s exciting.

So everyone spread the word, and leave one of those cheesy Amazon reviews while you’re at it. Remember, WE ARE THE MEDIA.

What is CINE HIGH?

What’s the big blockbuster release on May 25, 2012? Men in Black 3? Pfft, yeah right.

Friday, May 25, is the official pub date for CINE HIGH!

What is CINE HIGH? It’s my ebook! Plot synopsis:

 

Jack “Joke” McDee cares more about making his classmates laugh than his schoolwork, and his grades show it. On the last week of eighth grade, after Joke does his “clumsy juggler” act on the hood of the principal’s car, he’s nearly run over by a strange girl with a pink motorcycle. She tells him the truth, that he’s not human. He’s the living embodiment of the genre of comedy.


The girl takes Joke for a ride, transporting him to a strange high school, Cine High, where Action and Scifi, the toughest kids in school, have abducted the teachers and barricaded all the doors. Action and Scifi plan to take over all of entertainment once they graduate, and they’re holding the school hostage until all the other students swear loyalty to them.

Only one other student has the numbers to fight back, Horror. To convince Horror to join his side, Joke journeys from one end of the school to the other throughout the day. The whole time, he wonders, is comedy really the most powerful genre?

It’s an experiment. I’ve been working on CINE HIGH for about a year and a half. An earlier draft was “published on Twitter, one sentence at a time, one sentence at a time, from August to December 2011. That was an experiment, and the ebook is an experiment as well.

Huge thanks to Erich Asperschlager for the unendingly awesome cover art. Follow Erich on Twitter at @asperslobber.

Hope you enjoy the book. If you do, spread the word, and take a minute to leave one of those cheesy Amazon reviews. In this “We are the media” age, every little word-of-mouth helps.